Channel for Love

I just saved a Bull Frog in the cistern we are restoring in our 100 year old barn. She is a beautiful creature and has lived there for for perhaps more than a year. But since we are about to do some heavy duty construction on the barn's foundation, I needed to go down through a very narrow hole to retrieve her.

I grabbed her with two hands and looked into her eyes before placing her in a plastic jar to hand to Tom, my husband, who had created a large pool for her in the basement.

A Saint Francis moment, indeed.

Saint Francis moments abound here on Blue Heron Farm, which we call this beautiful place.

We live on the meandering Conestoga River, bringing geese, heron, ducks and bird life to us in abundance. And Frogs, of course.

We have deer

friends who are secure here after our eighteen years of residency.

One friend in particular is a deep brown color and we plant a tomato garden for her and her family every year.

She stands and looks at us in the early spring each year as if to say: Hey! Don't forget to plant my garden!!

Humans are not the most trustworthy species as far as deer are concerned.

The fifth aphorism of Pananjali states: "When a person is steadfast in his abstention from harming others, then all living creatures will cease to feel enmity in his presence."

The deer, racoons, geese, frogs and heron all use our property as a refuge.

They know they are safe and we marvel in their company.

Hanging out with these creatures of God-ess reminds me of Saint Francis and what I call the Saint Francis effect.

My dogs are the recipient of great love in what they teach us in this life time: unconditional love, forgiveness, and great patience in the face of human foible.

The greatest book ever written about Saint Francis is called: "God's Pauper: St. Francis of Assisi" by Nikos Kazantzakis, author of Zorba the Greek.

The book was out of print for many years but then was re-published in paperback in 1999. I got a copy as soon as I heard about it, circa 2002.

Reading the book transports consciousness to a mystical perspective.

The prologue of the book serves as an example:

"If I have omitted many of Francis's sayings and deeds and if I have altered others, and added still others which did not take place but which might have taken place, I have done so not out of ignorance or impudence or irreverence, but from a need to match the Saint's life with his myth, bringing that life as fully into accord with its essence as possible.

"Art has its right, and not only the right but the duty to subject everything else to its essence. It feeds upon the story, then assimilates it slowly, cunningly, and turns it into legend.

"While writing this legend which is truer than truth itself, I was overwhelmed by love, reverence and admiration for Francis, the hero and great martyr. Often large tears smudged the manuscript; often a hand hovered before me in the air, a hand with an eternally-renewed wound: someone seemed to have driven a nail through it, seemed to be driving a nail through it for all eternity.

"Everywhere about me, as I write, I sensed the Saint's invisible presence; because for me, Saint Francis is the model of the dutiful man, the man who by means of ceaseless, supremely cruel struggle, succeeds in fulfilling our highest obligation, something higher even than morality or truth or beauty: the obligation to transubstantiate the matter which God entrusted to us and turn it into spirit." Nikos Kazantzakis

Do we all have this same obligation? to transubstantiate the matter which God entrusts to us and turn it into spirit?

Only Nikos Kazantzakis could or would ask that question and have us wonder if we, too, can rise to this test of human potential?

Communing with the animals of Mother Nature these last eighteen years continues to be a spiritual practice: of being riveted in present moment reality, of experiencing compassion and love for all creatures great and small, and in these spaces of infinite awareness, we perceive the fragile preciousness of this world and beyond.

The Saint Francis statue which beautifies the flower garden is also a reminder of this fragile balance.

The Bullfrog in her new home typifies many more hours of grace as we care for her. The dogs know she is here to stay, probably knew this long before I did.

The Saint Francis effect is now clear. All of these years of animal communication and sharing the land and our home, and reading Nikos Kazantzakis's words today, has simplified this.

As we look to the Saints and in this case, Saint Francis for guidance, we are automatically transforming matter into spirit.

God-ess has entrusted this beautiful planet to us, our families, homes, our very lives; may we care and love and transform all of it and ask the infinite realms, which surround us at all times, to help us remember their guiding presence and to learn to access it the moment we ask.

Parental Love

Parental love comes in many shapes and it goes to different lengths for each parent. Parental love has different boundaries – ones that nurture and ones that destruct or paralyze. For most parents; they consciously or unconsciously practise both boundaries. The one we as parents need to be more conscious and cautious of is the latter practice when our love for our children is not nurturing their being but paralyzing.
Are you smothering your child or preventing their natural potential to surface and grow?
Are you enforcing an "illusion" that distraughts their beliefs of life?
Where do we draw the line?
When does our love become paralyzing and when does our love become nurturing?
It's a fine gray line for many parents

to walk on.
Quite often you hear parents say they are doing a certain "action" because they love their children – be it good or bad "action". And how much is too much?
When your child "suffocates"; that would probably be one sign we as parents are stepping into the paralyzing zones. Does "suffocating" your child ever work? I don't think so unless you want their being to die slowly within where they no longer know who they are or what is anymore without scrutinizing everything.
Parents who stay together in an unloving relationship because oftheir children…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children of WHAT IS?
Parents who smother their children and being over protective…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children of their capabilities to TRUST?
Parents who are overly strict with their children…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children's GROWTH and POTENTIAL?
Parents who abuse their children…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children with an illusion of WHAT LOVE IS?
Parents who nag their children endlessly…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children's PATIENCE from being SUPPORTIVE and EMPATHETIC?
Parents who don't give a damn about other people…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children from RESPECTING OTHERS?
Parents who have no sense of self worth and love…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children from SELF WORTHINESS and LOVE?
Parents who live in fear with everything they do…
Are they really NURTURING or paralyzing their children from TRYING THEIR BEST and BEING BRAVE in LIFE?
The list goes on and on. Too much or too little of everything has its consequences – nurturing or damaging.
We are not perfect parents but perfect to the best of our abilities. Sometimes what we think as "being loving" may not always be translated as that by our children. Sometimes we may think "we've done our best"; yet our children do not see as that. Sometimes we think it's in their "best interest" – IS IT? We shouldn't confuse ourselves with "WHAT REALLY IS" and "WHAT I THINK MIGHT or COULD BE" when it comes to our children and "their best interest."
What kind of parents are you?
The nurturing or paralyzing?
Note: This article may not be re-published without prior permission from the author. You may share it through a link to this original article.

What Good Parenting Entails

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings.” - Hodding Carter

All parents want their children to develop into well adjusted adults, respected as much for the integrity of their character as for their professional skills. This doesn't just happen overnight. It takes years of patient guidance, consistent discipline and above all, an abundance of love that is tangible to the child even during the worst periods in their growing up - and believe me, there will be many of those, before you can sit back and say with relief, "My work is done".

Many people equate an abundance of love with spoiling their child. I think that perhaps they have not understood what the term LOVE means, especially as it relates to a child. Let us start with what it is not:

1) Love is not over-indulging your child, giving in to every whim of his/hers because you feel guilty, tired, afraid you would lose your temper or scared that your kid may not love you.

2) Love is not harshly disciplining your children for every little broken rule in the mistaken belief that you are doing it for their good and if you don't punish them often and hard, a life of turmoil and misery beckons.

3) Love is not protecting your kids from the natural heart aches that come with growing up - whether it is a friend's betrayal, loss of a pet or loved one, not getting something deeply longed for.

4) Love is not using emotional blackmail at any time or for any reason in order to control them and get them to do what you want them to do.

Love that is most beneficial to children is one that focuses on them and accepts them for the unique individuals that they are. To be a truly loving parent, we need to learn to be a bit dispassionate about our kids. Even the most well meaning of parents tend to forget this. Unbiased love for your children helps you to focus on the child, rather than the fact that he/she belongs to you. You then learn to accept the possibilities and limitations of each of your children and to marvel at their individual potential. If there are no pre-conceived expectations, there is less pressure on the child and there are no feelings of disappointment in the parent. When children sense that they are not being measured against their siblings or friends, their confidence grows, there are less disciplinary issues and above all, they feel valued for themselves. Learning to love our kids this way is one of the hardest lessons in parenting; it being so natural to think in terms of "My Children" with the emphasis on "My" rather than on "Children".

Good parenting is a skill honed through trial and error. Most parents are so concerned about being good parents that they tend to over compensate for their perceived inadequacies. They tend to overlook the fact that most kids prefer laughter, a home filled with warmth and understanding and parents whom they can trust and turn to in times of trouble rather than being inundated with designer clothes, shoes and toys. How often do we hear the complaint that kids now-a-days are too obsessed with material things. Perhaps it is time we, as parents, ask ourselves how much we have contributed to our children's obsessions. A lot of people seem to have lost faith in their ability to be good parents, mistakenly thinking that they should always be infallible. What we must never lose sight of is that for the most part, we do get it right and that our love for our children will guide our parental instincts. Problems arise only when we do not learn from our mistakes. Children seem to have an infinite capacity to forgive their parents if they know or feel that their mothers and/or fathers are trying to do their very best for them.

Parents are only human - a fact that is often ignored by our kids and even more so, by ourselves. It is alright to get angry or depressed, irritated or to just want some time to yourself. What is not alright is to let these feelings affect your behaviour towards your children. How you handle your emotions is a good indicator of how your kids will manage theirs when they grow up. Rather than pretend that everything is fine, it would be better if you explained to your kids that you are upset about something and that you need sometime to work through the problem. Not only will the children be relieved that they are not the reason for your turmoil, they will probably try hard not to upset you further. Explaining the rationale for your actions to your children in terms they can understand teaches them empathy, alleviates their concerns that they are the cause of your distress and shows them how negative emotions should be handled.

Most parents have a hard time trying to decide whether or not they should shield their young children from the harsh facts of life. War, famine, death - these are constantly in the news. Closer to home it might be the prolonged illness or death of a close relative, friend, or even a pet, the break up of a close friendship, divorce, losing a job or home. There is no guarantee that life will always be smooth sailing and the sooner children are taught to face such situations with equanimity, the more resilient they will be when, as adults, they have their own misfortunes to face.

Parenting can be stressful, it is often under valued and unglamorous yet it can be and very often is uplifting and provides some of our most precious memories. If we remember to relax and enjoy our kids, love them for who they are, try to inculcate a strong personal value system from a very early age, revel in their accomplishments and be a constant source of support for them, we can be sure of doing a pretty good job. There is, of course, the added bonus of our own self improvement as we try to be more like the person we want our children to emulate.